Tag Archives: violence

When Is Rape Okay

When Is Rape Okay

When Is Rape Okay

 

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook. I went to the author’s website and found (just for clarification); that when these high school students were asked to answer the questions, it was on a rating scale 0-5. Zero equaled not agreeing at all, therefore symbolic of “NO”. Any rating over zero, would be counted as a “yes”. I just wanted that to be clear before I wrote this, although I don’t think that the number on the scale that each child chose, above zero matters. Allow me just this courtesy…RAPE IS WRONG.

 

This post had me thinking, past the lump I felt in my throat. I was disappointed in the fact that these young males felt this way; for any man to think it would ever be okay to force sex upon another.  What I found deeply disturbing was that any female would think this behavior was acceptable; why would we think that any situation would make this horrible and vile act appropriate?

 

Beyond talking to our children about the dangers of strangers; what do we teach them? Do we teach our sons that it is NEVER okay to force anyone to have sex? Or do we think that the logic is implied? At this point, we can effectively come to the conclusion that it is not. Where are our daughters getting their education from? Why would anyone of our young women think that she has no say over her body? Where is the self-respect and honor? Where would our sons develop the mentality that they EVER have the right to force sex on another person?

 

This posting had my heart feeling heavy. If I learned nothing from the rape of the Steubenville, Ohio teen; I learned that far too many people think that when a woman is drunk or high…that consent is implied, even if she is unable to say no.

 

To the young men and women who answered “yes”; by responding that it was okay for a man to force a woman to have sex if:

1. He spends a lot of money on her

2. He is so turned on he doesn’t think he can stop

3. She is drunk or stoned

4. She has had sex with others

5. They have dated for a long time

6. She wanted to, but then changed her mind

 

Allow me to share something with you, rape cannot be changed. Rape is not one moment on a random day/night; rape lasts your entire life. You never forget the feeling of degradation. You never forget the questions that your mind poses, that will never have an answer. Rape is far reaching…no matter what anyone says.

 

Anytime someone tells you that rape isn’t THAT bad…they are lying. It destroys lives and can permanently destroy the hearts and souls of men and women.

 

As parents, it is our responsibility to arm our children with the knowledge of love. Respect must be taught…through observation. Our children are watching what we say, do and respond to; our speech must be kind and loving. Keep in mind, we teach our children callousness.

 

As for these young women, who also participated in this “poll”?

Love yourselves. No one has the right to force sex on you. Respect your body and your decisions; do what is right for you. You do not owe anyone anything; your body is sacred.

 

We need to change the rules, so we can change our frame of mind. If she/he does not say YES…the answer is no. If she/he says yes, then changes his/her mind…the answer is no. Paying for a meal, present or any other such thing…does NOT purchase him/her sexually. If you are so turned on that you don’t think you can stop…don’t even start. NO matter how long you have known him and no matter what your relationship is…it is always your decision to make.

 

We must do better. We are assisting in the demise of these young souls, by sitting in silence. We must take a pro-active role in the lives of these young people, who are our future. Rape is not a phase that someone goes through…it is a felony.

 

Remember my friends, rape is a crime that destroys. Talk to your sons and daughters; do not make excuses, like those made for the rapists in the Jane Doe case in Ohio. Stop placing the victim on trial, when we do this…we are embracing the sexual predator.

 

While no one wants to think their child is a predator, when we sweep such behavior under the rug…we are breeding it.

 

Love one another…and please…please stop the insanity.

 

 

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What Are You Going To Do

What Are You Going To Do?

 

I recently read an article; where a University Professor ALLEGEDLY, made some very shocking claims about rape. I am not going to mention his name…I do not know if he actually said these things or not…and if he did; may God grant him peace.

Rape; the word alone leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Those of us, who have been touched by this crime, directly or indirectly, understand the devastation that it leaves behind. I do, however think we have been taught and programmed to look at this crime in a way that leaves room for doubt.

We are taught, men and women alike, that if a woman says no…and she is forced to have sex…it is rape. I don’t think anyone can argue that point with any validity. Would the questionable lines be clearer, however if we were taught…even if she doesn’t say NO…unless she says YES…it is still RAPE.

We must remember rape is not a crime of sex…although we would be told or convinced otherwise. After all, there is sexual contact in rape…in one way or the other. But let me ask you a question…if someone hits me across the head with a baseball bat…does it become a sports crime? Rape is a violent crime…either physically or emotionally. When a person is raped…they are being ROBBED. The survivors of rape have had something very personal…STOLEN. If I didn’t give you something…and you helped yourself to it…you are committing an unlawful act.

This subject is deeply personal to me…and it should be just as personal to all of us. I was offended by the words this Educator used (ALLEGEDLY).  It made me wonder, how many people think this way? He was quoted saying that if a woman has sex without her knowledge…and there is no physical violence; and she doesn’t remember the act…who really got hurt? I found this appalling…so I ask this question…

If you have a diamond ring, an heirloom, in your home; you keep it locked away safely, so you don’t check on it every day; then someone breaks into your home, while you are sleeping. There are no broken windows or locks and they didn’t disturb your sleep…so there were no outward signs of violence; yet they stole your grandmother’s antique ring…is that a crime? After all, you don’t remember the crime; you were asleep. There were no outside signs that it was stolen; but yet it was still taken from you…is it a crime?

My virtue…my body…is more valuable than a piece of jewelry. If I do not say YES…then it is rape.

While people, such as this educator, may make erroneous conclusions about something as serious as rape…let us not forget…they could be judging you…your daughter or son, your mother or grandmother. I ask that we stop disassociating ourselves from the survivors and victims of this most malicious crime.

Do you know how long it takes for most women/men to recover from this violation? FOREVER; it stays with you. You remember smells, words said, actions, pain…you remember feeling empty. Some degree of pain is inevitable, in this life; rape is not one of those.

Unfortunately when we have people who will continually try to discount, ridicule, and try the victim…we will be assaulting her/him over and over again. How many times will the victim/survivor be asked what she wore, why she went to a particular place, how many times did you say no, why were you drinking, and other such questions with far reaching implications.

How often do we ask the accused…why did you drink that night? Why were you out so late? What were you wearing? Why is this? We want to believe that no one is capable of such atrocities…but these things happen all the time.

The media focus on the Steubenville rape of Jane Doe; created a venue of opportunity. It is good that we are talking about this crime…but let us not forget…it took a social media venue to get this case prosecuted. We must speak out. We must stand up and scream…NO MORE! The life you save may be one that is precious to you.

And for those who may ask where our Creator is…in all this chaos; I can only reply…our Creator is watching. We are supposed to do what is right. Protect the innocent and remind one another that with love all things are possible. But forever remember…you may be the only life raft she is sent…what are you going to do?

Spare Humanity

Spare Humanity

 

The way we are living

There is no excuse

Women surrounded by

Violence and abuse

There is no valid excuse

There is no reason why

We should sit by in silence

While our sisters now cry

What did she do wrong

What words did she utter

To provoke such hate

Than one should muster

Our women are being attacked

Our mothers, sisters, and such

Being attacked verbally…physically

People using hate as a crutch

 

I am angered on this day

Another woman was attacked

For simply being who she is

Can’t ignore the facts

Pure cowardice living among us

Failing to follow a path of Gold

Reasoning and excuses

But the Truth will be told

For scars on a bloody face

Broken bones and fractures

Only bring our evil to light

Ignoring our Divine stature

Step up for the women

The ones who fear abuse

Select love or hate

What will you choose

For when we even attack

With our words or mean tones

We are creating a wedge

Leaving the rest to atone

Stand up beside me now

Reach out your hand in hope

You can touch more hearts

Our souls have an endless scope

Tell her she is not alone

Give her life a chance to shine

Guide her to a safe place

In the arms of the Divine

Don’t want to get involved?

Don’t want to pursue?

Well if it was your daughter

What would you ask us to do?

Set aside your silent disgust

For silence may have its place

But to sit quietly to this evil

Is simply a disgrace

Scream to the rooftops

Violence NO MORE

Remind all God’s creation

Not what we were created for

Realign your paths

Own up to your responsibility

Stand up for the women of the world

And spare our humanity

**Please join me in Praying for Mallory Owens…NO woman should have to endure such hate

In Your Eyes

In Your Eyes

If you want the world to change

Start doing a different thing

Love instead of hating

Seek sunshine even when it rains

Our expectations have lowered

For ourselves and others too

Basically we get what we deserve

When evil comes from you

Evil isn’t always horned with fangs

Or a black cloak covering our heads

It can be a sweet beautiful woman

So don’t be misled

We have created images of strangers

Which are gruesome and scary

But the darkness comes from inside

So my loves please be wary

Sometimes the most dangerous people

Are hidden in clear sight

Giving a false impression of security

Saying everything is alright

Understand this thing today

Our preconceived notions in our mind

Can be the evil we encourage

When we leave God behind

When we think we know everything

When we make judgments about man

When we brutalize people

When stop trying to understand

A man cannot represent an entire

Group and its thoughts

For only God has that power

I think we forgot

If there is one great race

It has nothing to do with our skin

But we feed into that evil

It’s why we never do win

It’s why we are killing each other

Making excuses for our ignorant ways

Forgetting God created my look

I was meant to be this way

How dare we decide we are better

Because they are different than we

As if we created ANYTHING

Making it hard just being me

I am not a race of skin color

I am not a religion of debate

But I am a child of God

It is how I was made

You have no right to end my life

Because my look has you in arms

You have no right to place a hand on me

Assuming I may do you harm

For I am highly favored

My Creator walks with me

I will never be all the things

You may need me to be

So tonight while you walk

Trying to make yourself feel safe

Remember when you judge me

It’s God’s heart that you break

For among other things

I celebrate the path of my Lord

It is my only purpose

What He created me for

Save your bullets and hate

It’s wasted on my demise

Those actions aren’t of my God

That cannot be disguised

Share hope and spread joy

Send love through the sky

By allowing the grace of God

To shine in your eyes

 **We MUST stop the violence…**

God Will Meet You There

God Will Meet You There

 

I remember like it was yesterday

 When things felt so bad

My life seemed in ruins…

I was broken…torn and sad

I softly cried and mourned

As I lay there in pain

My heart in pieces

I would never be the same

How could this happen…

Why didn’t I see?

Why did he do this…?

What is happening to me?

All alone in isolation

 My own self made jail

Unable to see any hope

 I was doomed to fail

He took away a part of me…

The purest of my self

And now there’s nothing left…

My heart upon a shelf

Then a sweet voice

Within the darkness came

And my fog was lifted

 And I rose above the shame

You did nothing wrong

 Said the voice just beyond my sight

I’m sorry that you are hurting…

But you will be alright

Sometimes things will happen

 And we may feel all alone

But remember you are loved by a God

 That you have always known

You were not being punished

 And although your pain is deep

Know that this is not a secret

 That you were meant to keep

You need to reach out to others

 And show them there is no shame

Show them their strength by sharing your heart…

So they may do the same

Help them rise above this cowardly act

 By shining light on the offense

Tear down walls…build bridges…

Line paths with common sense

The victor is not the one

 Who over powers women of our God

Victory is not found with the biggest fist

 Or with the sharpest rod

Success is found within those hearts

 That rise against the fall

And suddenly those very big

 Become instantly very small

He did not take your soul

 When he took those other things

And while he may be bold…

You are the one with wings

You speak of truth and love divine

 Above all shame and hate

You show how God instilled love

 In everything He creates

HE is the answer to all questions

 And when one dares ask why

They will know the answer by your humble smile…

The look in your eye

He may think he destroyed you

 With the angry act he did do

But that’s because he doesn’t know God

 And therefore he didn’t know you

Smile sweet angel with the knowledge

 That God will never leave your side

And know that judgment will come

 With every tear you cried

Fear not soft hearted woman…

For you are not alone

God sent me to remind you

 What you have always known

Spread this divine message

 Even through your despair

And once you reach heavens gates…

God will meet you there

Use Your Wings

Use Your Wings

If I could leave you with one thought

And one that you would hold dear

It would be that you are divinely loved

And know that God is near

Yes, even in your sorrow

And whilst in your pain

When you feel abandoned

And that only you remain

I would tell you of a place

That has no measure of the time

Where there is only love and beauty

A wonderland so sublime

It is where our Father waits for us

After our time here has lapsed

Where there’s no talk of bitterness

Or of all the things we lacked

It is where the angels sing and

We seem to understand the words

Like the bellow of the Blue Jay

And other of God’s birds

I will tell you also to please hold on

And hard as I know it may seem

You can persevere through it all

You’ve strength yet to be seen

Take care of the bruises and cuts

As you do know best

But leave the heart scarring to God

His love will do the rest

Get up everyday and remind yourself

Of your soul’s great worth

You’re created to be a queen

It was decided before your birth

These games of control he plays

Are only for mortal man

When he faces Our Maker

He will feel a heavy hand

I know the anguish you’ve endured

I too have known your tears

I once wanted to not wake up

To just not live in fear

I know what its like to hide

From the world and all that it contains

But we can not hide from God

One TRUTH which always remain

The right to oppress and to control

Was never part of your path

But life has a way of working out

And his time is ending fast

Never let the will of a man

Convince you that you are less

And while you feel you live in hell

I promise…you are blessed

For God is watching from upon high

And He asks only one thing

Be the graceful angel that you are

And start to use your wings