Tag Archives: rape

When Is Rape Okay

When Is Rape Okay

When Is Rape Okay

 

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook. I went to the author’s website and found (just for clarification); that when these high school students were asked to answer the questions, it was on a rating scale 0-5. Zero equaled not agreeing at all, therefore symbolic of “NO”. Any rating over zero, would be counted as a “yes”. I just wanted that to be clear before I wrote this, although I don’t think that the number on the scale that each child chose, above zero matters. Allow me just this courtesy…RAPE IS WRONG.

 

This post had me thinking, past the lump I felt in my throat. I was disappointed in the fact that these young males felt this way; for any man to think it would ever be okay to force sex upon another.  What I found deeply disturbing was that any female would think this behavior was acceptable; why would we think that any situation would make this horrible and vile act appropriate?

 

Beyond talking to our children about the dangers of strangers; what do we teach them? Do we teach our sons that it is NEVER okay to force anyone to have sex? Or do we think that the logic is implied? At this point, we can effectively come to the conclusion that it is not. Where are our daughters getting their education from? Why would anyone of our young women think that she has no say over her body? Where is the self-respect and honor? Where would our sons develop the mentality that they EVER have the right to force sex on another person?

 

This posting had my heart feeling heavy. If I learned nothing from the rape of the Steubenville, Ohio teen; I learned that far too many people think that when a woman is drunk or high…that consent is implied, even if she is unable to say no.

 

To the young men and women who answered “yes”; by responding that it was okay for a man to force a woman to have sex if:

1. He spends a lot of money on her

2. He is so turned on he doesn’t think he can stop

3. She is drunk or stoned

4. She has had sex with others

5. They have dated for a long time

6. She wanted to, but then changed her mind

 

Allow me to share something with you, rape cannot be changed. Rape is not one moment on a random day/night; rape lasts your entire life. You never forget the feeling of degradation. You never forget the questions that your mind poses, that will never have an answer. Rape is far reaching…no matter what anyone says.

 

Anytime someone tells you that rape isn’t THAT bad…they are lying. It destroys lives and can permanently destroy the hearts and souls of men and women.

 

As parents, it is our responsibility to arm our children with the knowledge of love. Respect must be taught…through observation. Our children are watching what we say, do and respond to; our speech must be kind and loving. Keep in mind, we teach our children callousness.

 

As for these young women, who also participated in this “poll”?

Love yourselves. No one has the right to force sex on you. Respect your body and your decisions; do what is right for you. You do not owe anyone anything; your body is sacred.

 

We need to change the rules, so we can change our frame of mind. If she/he does not say YES…the answer is no. If she/he says yes, then changes his/her mind…the answer is no. Paying for a meal, present or any other such thing…does NOT purchase him/her sexually. If you are so turned on that you don’t think you can stop…don’t even start. NO matter how long you have known him and no matter what your relationship is…it is always your decision to make.

 

We must do better. We are assisting in the demise of these young souls, by sitting in silence. We must take a pro-active role in the lives of these young people, who are our future. Rape is not a phase that someone goes through…it is a felony.

 

Remember my friends, rape is a crime that destroys. Talk to your sons and daughters; do not make excuses, like those made for the rapists in the Jane Doe case in Ohio. Stop placing the victim on trial, when we do this…we are embracing the sexual predator.

 

While no one wants to think their child is a predator, when we sweep such behavior under the rug…we are breeding it.

 

Love one another…and please…please stop the insanity.

 

 

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What Are You Going To Do

What Are You Going To Do?

 

I recently read an article; where a University Professor ALLEGEDLY, made some very shocking claims about rape. I am not going to mention his name…I do not know if he actually said these things or not…and if he did; may God grant him peace.

Rape; the word alone leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Those of us, who have been touched by this crime, directly or indirectly, understand the devastation that it leaves behind. I do, however think we have been taught and programmed to look at this crime in a way that leaves room for doubt.

We are taught, men and women alike, that if a woman says no…and she is forced to have sex…it is rape. I don’t think anyone can argue that point with any validity. Would the questionable lines be clearer, however if we were taught…even if she doesn’t say NO…unless she says YES…it is still RAPE.

We must remember rape is not a crime of sex…although we would be told or convinced otherwise. After all, there is sexual contact in rape…in one way or the other. But let me ask you a question…if someone hits me across the head with a baseball bat…does it become a sports crime? Rape is a violent crime…either physically or emotionally. When a person is raped…they are being ROBBED. The survivors of rape have had something very personal…STOLEN. If I didn’t give you something…and you helped yourself to it…you are committing an unlawful act.

This subject is deeply personal to me…and it should be just as personal to all of us. I was offended by the words this Educator used (ALLEGEDLY).  It made me wonder, how many people think this way? He was quoted saying that if a woman has sex without her knowledge…and there is no physical violence; and she doesn’t remember the act…who really got hurt? I found this appalling…so I ask this question…

If you have a diamond ring, an heirloom, in your home; you keep it locked away safely, so you don’t check on it every day; then someone breaks into your home, while you are sleeping. There are no broken windows or locks and they didn’t disturb your sleep…so there were no outward signs of violence; yet they stole your grandmother’s antique ring…is that a crime? After all, you don’t remember the crime; you were asleep. There were no outside signs that it was stolen; but yet it was still taken from you…is it a crime?

My virtue…my body…is more valuable than a piece of jewelry. If I do not say YES…then it is rape.

While people, such as this educator, may make erroneous conclusions about something as serious as rape…let us not forget…they could be judging you…your daughter or son, your mother or grandmother. I ask that we stop disassociating ourselves from the survivors and victims of this most malicious crime.

Do you know how long it takes for most women/men to recover from this violation? FOREVER; it stays with you. You remember smells, words said, actions, pain…you remember feeling empty. Some degree of pain is inevitable, in this life; rape is not one of those.

Unfortunately when we have people who will continually try to discount, ridicule, and try the victim…we will be assaulting her/him over and over again. How many times will the victim/survivor be asked what she wore, why she went to a particular place, how many times did you say no, why were you drinking, and other such questions with far reaching implications.

How often do we ask the accused…why did you drink that night? Why were you out so late? What were you wearing? Why is this? We want to believe that no one is capable of such atrocities…but these things happen all the time.

The media focus on the Steubenville rape of Jane Doe; created a venue of opportunity. It is good that we are talking about this crime…but let us not forget…it took a social media venue to get this case prosecuted. We must speak out. We must stand up and scream…NO MORE! The life you save may be one that is precious to you.

And for those who may ask where our Creator is…in all this chaos; I can only reply…our Creator is watching. We are supposed to do what is right. Protect the innocent and remind one another that with love all things are possible. But forever remember…you may be the only life raft she is sent…what are you going to do?

I Do Not Consent

I Do Not Consent

 

Recently I was reading about an incident in Steubenville, Ohio; where a 16 year old girl was allegedly raped by several members of the football team. What I found more disgusting than the act itself was the video which was posted about this crime. There was a video made which showcased several party goers talking about how the girl was raped while they laughed hysterically.

 

This should go without saying…sexual assault is not funny. Shame on the young teenage boys who made that video…you should also be standing trial. Keep in mind…when we suggest that they are “JUST KIDS HAVING FUN”; that these kids…will grow into adults. I say adults because…MEN do not behave this way. Real men do not need to assault, batter, abuse, degrade or sexually assault women.

 

Let me say for the record, I hope these individuals are prosecuted to the furthest extent of the law, if found guilty.

 

Rape is a crime of violence…not sex.

 

Anyone who has ever been brutalized sexually will tell you this. NO means NO. These statements seem elementary to me; we should all know by now that rape is unacceptable …no matter who you are. Was she at fault because she was drinking? Were her clothes too revealing? Did she say no…but maybe she didn’t appear to mean it? Did she tell someone that her goal was to have sex that night? Is her character questionable? Did she not fight hard enough?

 

Let me be clear…as someone who has experienced this brutality; none of these things matter. I am only responsible for my actions…not yours. If she wore no clothes at all…it gives no one the right to force her to have sex. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been drinking…but her drinking did not cause this.

 

If a person is drinking and they wave a loaded gun at someone and it goes off and kills them…is it still murder? Does it matter if they were drinking? NO. All that matters is that someone died…because someone else was reckless with their actions.

 

No means no…period. No means…I do not consent.

 

Take a look at your children as they rest…what if it was your daughter or son? Would we then make excuses for a rapist?

 

We are better than this. We were created from greatness. Embrace your greatness; put a stop to the insanity. Our bodies are a temple…we have no right in invade it. We have no right to make excuses for crimes against humanity. Rape is not only a crime of violence, but it takes us away from our path.

 

Stand up for what is right. Humanity is fading…simply because we make excuses to try and protect the guilty. The truth is…we are not protecting people when we cover up things such as rape, violence, or other such crimes. We are only allowing the behavior to continue.

 

I do not consent to anyone touching any part of my body…without my explicit permission. No matter what I am wearing, if I am drinking, or where we are…you do not have my permission  to touch me…in any way.

 

My body is my own…as is yours.

 

I pray that we will get back to what is important…love; one another. And while it may be easy to love our family members…we are also supposed to extend our love to all living things. Perhaps we should work harder at that…and things like this would happen less and less.

 

I am sending my prayers and love to all those affected by this terrible crime. May this young woman heal and become whole once again; I hope her family is able to uplift her and promote the healing process. I pray that the males involved in this crime understand what they did. I pray that it is something that God will help them learn from; because unless we learn from this…it will happen again.

 

Love one another today…remind those that are important to you; how blessed you are just having known them.

 

Walk in the Light of a most forgiving and loving Creator…release the negativity.

 

My heart is with you always.

 

 

A Queston of Hope

A Question of Hope

You are out in the scorching sun, for hours. There seems to be no relief in sight; the only comfort is found as sweat trickles down your brow. Not sure of how long you can actually hang on; a thought occurs to you. What if this is my last moment? You are unsure as to how much strength or energy you can muster; worse than that…do you want to go on?

Suddenly you feel it; a cool breeze flowing across your sun weathered skin. You take a deep breath; your soul feels replenished. Although the cool air lasted only a moment; its effects are long lasting. Your strength returns; your step has more bounce in it. How could a single brief blowing, of cool crisp air, change so much? Simply put; you now have hope of greater things. You were intended to survive this thing; and the cool air was our Creator’s way of showing you.

What is hope? Hope is simply the knowledge that better things are ahead. The possibility of brighter days is in store for you. The mere thought that things MAY get better; is enough to keep you going. Why is this important?

This thought is important, because it gives us reason to keep going on. The only task we ever fail at; is the task we fail to complete. Hope is a beautiful gift. We can give it freely, openly and lovingly. Hope is the gift that I am giving you today.

I am not saying that your life may turn out exactly the way you may want it to; but I am saying that the possibilities of your life are endless. There may have been times in your life where you have felt like the world is against you; I can assure you that is not so. Sometimes you just need a reminder that you need to pick yourself up and move forward.

I have known hardship and pain; I have known grief and had health that was failing. My thoughts and remarks are not empty. But through all of my life challenges; I have one constant… this is temporary. Everything on this realm of life is not supposed to last forever. We get to decide to make our lives what we want it to be. We can choose to live a life of love and kindness or we can choose anger and self-pity. Along my journey, I came across a name, Ward Foley.

Mr. Foley is an amazing exhibit of hope and possibility. His nickname is “scarman”; as his body is riddled with scars. Where is the beauty in this? I gladly will share with you; Mr. Foley shines his light on people who live with diseases and illnesses. He has a Face Book page and on it he praises the wonderful people that he reaches out to. He does not speak on; or dwell upon their diseases or illnesses. He simply speaks on how wonderful they are. This wonderful person, who has his own “cross to bear”; smiles and smiles some more; he offers hope through a simple smile. I hope that you all get to visit his website http://www.wardfoley.com . He is a true angel.

Give hope to one another; offer a smile, at the very least. Hope gives us strength.

The possibility of what we could be; far outshines the lesser of what we actually are. We can do more and be more than we could ever imagine. We can put an end to violence; we can create venues where people can help one another. We can start reaching out to our fellow man; regardless of race, creed or religion. We can remember where we came from; before man created so many barriers.

We can love with a purpose; and let that purpose be…so others can receive that love.

Hope is an urgent calling to us all. Hope gives our hearts wings. With hope we can end the cycle of violence; child abuse, domestic violence, rape, incest and battered women and children. With hope we can defy the statistics that say 1 in 3 women will be molested before she is 16 years old. Hope can change the fact that every 15 seconds a woman is murdered by someone who claims to love her. Hope can rise up to the top; it can give love the chance it needs to mend our broken hearts.

I want to give you hope today; and once you peel away those layers, you will find it filled with divine love. I do not live a fairy tale life; I have known travesties. I have felt pain so deep that I was certain I would never heal from it. The truth is, some pain never really goes away; but we get to choose to make it something better. We get to take that pain and make it a spring board for someone else’s pain. We can be the lift up that someone else needs.

While we are doing this we should remember; how we had wished that someone would have tried to make it better for us. Even if all we have to offer is a simple smile; it is something more than doing nothing.

Love every day; give love, be love, and you will be rewarded with hope. Hope is the heartbeat of a soul; it is up to us to keep it going.

We can spend our lives feeling sorry for ourselves; or like “Scarman” Ward Foley; we can give back. We can let go of our frustrations and watch them evolve into hope and possibility, for others. Don’t ever lose sight of the fact; that each day is a gift and each breath is a blessing. Give thanks for the time we have here on earth; touch as many hearts as you can.

In closing, I would add only this; you are my blessing. You help mold and evolve me into whatever I am supposed to be. You help guide me toward the light of our Creator; I am forever grateful. Never give up hope; it will guide you along your path and make you all the richer for it.

I wish you love and peace along your path.

-L.M. Young