Tag Archives: domestic violence

The Problem Is…

The Problem Is…

 

I tend to write poetry; I think people find it easier to read and it gets read more often. There are times, however; when something much deeper must be said and therefore I lay my rhyme aside.

Yesterday I read a very brief statement; where someone was talking about a man who stepped in and aided a woman who was being pushed around. The man, who stepped in, got beat up pretty badly. In the statement the man who got beat up was criticized for stepping up; but he wasn’t criticized half as harshly as the woman who was getting beat on.

The claim was made that women have the benefit of lying about domestic violence; and they don’t leave when they should. The writer went on and on with accusations about how if a situation was “THAT BAD”, she would have left.  This person’s rambling’s deeply disturbed me; so here I am I now…with my rebuttal.

Have you ever been punched in the face? Has anyone ever grabbed you by your throat so hard that it cut off your oxygen supply and you passed out? Has anyone ever grabbed your hair so hard that they pulled it out by the handfuls and your scalp is left to bleed? Has someone ever made you have sex with them? Have you cried the whole time it was happening? Has a Doctor asked you about the vaginal scarring? Have you ever been afraid of telling someone you love about you getting beat up; because it may put them in danger, too? Has someone ever followed you…everywhere you go? Has he kidnapped your child? Has he attacked you in a court room? This is what is referred to as “domestic violence”.

Personally, I do not agree with that term. Domestic indicates tame; for example, a cat versus a lion; is domestic. A dog versus a wolf; is domestic. I suppose they say Domestic, because they live in our homes…but I assure you when you are getting assaulted over 89 times in 90 days…it is more comparable to the war in Afghanistan.

So let’s address the careless words I mentioned earlier; why would she stay?

The bigger question is this; do you think her abuser would let her leave, so easily? Let us not forget…its control…not love. If she leaves, she may go to the police; he may get arrested. Or worse, she may move on with her life. Most abuse victims have no exit strategies; and it isn’t easy to just walk away.

While I know that staying isn’t what she may want; I know it can be a way of being stuck. It is important to create an exit strategy. Reach out to someone that you trust…that he does not know.

While the writer of the article, I mentioned before, showed no understanding or compassion for your situation…I know what your life is like. But I also know that you must find the strength to walk away from it. Statistics show that the longer you are in that situation; the less likely you are to survive it; or the more likely your children are to be conditioned to seek a relationship similar to it.

Please get help…and if you do not know where to get help…reach out to someone anyone…and ask them to find help for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

As for my reason for writing this….I will gladly avert my attention back to you.

Do women lie about abuse? I would think women  are as capable of lying about abuse; as men are capable of lying about working late; or that woman that they claim is like a “sister” to them. As human beings, we are all capable of lying; but it is a far larger sin to under react when someone reaches out for our help; just to have us swat their hands away…than to come to the rescue…only to find a cat sitting on a tree limb. In any scenario, when we start choosing what is worthy of our time…we have failed humanity.

To touch on another point that you made…I mentioned that your point of view was part of the problem; and you stated that her not leaving was the problem. I find that ironic. I find it insulting, yet consistent with everything else you said…the problem…sir; is that SHE EVER GOT HIT TO BEGIN WITH.

In closing, my friends; I have only this to offer you, man was never supposed to be the object women needed protection from. Men were, from the beginning of time, supposed to protect their women. At the beginning of this I told you that a man stepped up and defended a woman; being pushed around…this man gave me hope. He showed me that even at risk to himself…he did the right thing. A real man…defends a woman…everyone else…makes excuses. Which would you want for your daughter?

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Meet Asia D. Smith

Meet…ASIA D. SMITH

Asia D. Smith

Asia D. Smith – Chief Executive Officer/ Founder
brings a unique combination of sharp business acumen
and strong commitment to restoring and empowering
victims and survivors of domestic violence, abuse, and
sexual assault to Purple R.E.I.G.N. Social Services.
Known for delivering the highest levels of excellence,
Purple R.E.I.G.N. is a 501(c)3 non-profit advocacy
agency created by OVERCOMERS dedicated to:
empowerment, prevention, intervention, education,
and eradicating the vicious cycles of domestic violence
and sexual assault.
As an award recipient from the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women / WOCTF, State of
NJ Senate Commendation by Senator Sandra Bolden Cunningham, and Fellow of the National
Resource Center on Domestic Violence /WOCN Leadership Academy, Asia demonstrates
bold and innovative leadership by laying the foundation to set a national, unprecedented
standard of care for those that suffer the daily oppression of abuse, while simultaneously
challenging the status quo and bridging the socio-economic gap in historically underserved
communities. With a keen interest in violence alleviation and the devotion to improve the
quality of life of others, Asia is charged with overseeing the agency’s full range of business
development activities, capital access initiatives, grants, program administration, and
coordinating numerous community action groups / outreach.
With her commitment to the ongoing initiatives of Purple R.E.I.G.N., Asia has established
strategic partnerships and crafted key alliances with all levels of government, corporate and
civic organizations, correctional institutions, faith-based organizations, institutions of higher
learning, parent education networks, non-profit organizations, community based initiatives,
service providers, and much more.
Additionally, Asia has appeared on national media outlets, is a syndicated columnist, an awardwinning
professional, domestic violence and sexual assault counselor, anger management
facilitator, motivational speaker, author, curriculum/innovative domestic violence technology
programs developer, and offers high quality training, and consulting to a host of agencies,
organizations, advocacy groups, municipal personnel, etc.
Asia is an affiliate of a number of organizations that include: Women of Color Task Force –
New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women; Essex County Domestic Violence Working Group;
and The Integrated Justice Alliance. Furthermore, Asia has amassed nearly 25 years of
combined experience in community service, prison outreach, and as the former Domestic
Violence Response Team Coordinator for the County of Essex.
With numerous awards that include: The Richard D. Pompelio, Esq. Award of Leadership; New Jersey
Coalition of Battered Women/WOCTF: Community Spirit Award; Institute For Entrepreneurial
Leadership (IFEL) 2010 Award Recipient; 2010 – 2011 “Professional Woman of the Year” – NAPW;
Speaker/ Panelist -2009 NJ State NAACP Convention; Adjunct Lecturer: Essex County College,
Rutgers University, Columbia University; featured in various publications, national radio shows,
television appearances, and a highly sought after speaker, Asia’s accolades and achievements are
secondary to the education and experience she received from her success as an OVERCOMER of
domestic violence. She attains her objectives and “Turns Tragedy to Triumph” by using her voice to
Restore, Empower, and save the lives of millions with Integrity, Grace, and Nobility.
*In honor of the enormous commitments and contributions to the lives of others, Purple R.E.I.G.N. has been awarded a multi-passenger
van to transport victims and survivors to safety, and a home in Essex County, NJ, which will open as the first of many safe havens
worldwide.

You can find Asia here:
YouTube
Facebook

Meet Jen Williams

Meet Jen Williams

I hv Lupus

Jen Williams is another one of the threads at the Real Women Empowerment Project. Immediately, after reading our other introductions; you will see a difference. Jen lives a life of anonymity; it has become a natural part of her life. This Sister has overcome great obstacles in her life; from Cancer and Lupus to Severe Domestic Violence and the unexpected loss of her sister.
When asked how she handles it, she will tell you; we must find triumph in all things…even tragedy.
Jen is a writer and poet…and uses these venues to remind us all…that we are loved from a higher power. She is deeply spiritual; and when you read her writing; it is something you feel right away.
She is the Founder of My Rays of Light Publishing’ an Indie Publishing/Editing company; which focuses on trying to get writers published for far less than most publishers.
She also is the CEO of My Rays Marketing; where she helps to promote businesses and causes; using all social media platforms.
Jen spends a lot of her time shining light on those issues that we experience or hear about, on a daily basis. She has written about child abuse, rape, homelessness, Cancer and Lupus. Her personal war against Domestic Violence…has been a long one. She will openly tell you…the scars of Domestic Violence leave scars that never completely heal.
She uses the platforms of Domestic Violence and Lupus awareness as weapons against stereotypical ideas of these serious issues.
Jen has been working with the Real Woman Empowerment Project since 2012; and feels a strong connection to all of the fabulous women involved.

She writes on 2(two) blogs on WordPress; and her writing can be followed there, as well as, Facebook, Twitter, and the 3 websites that she has worked to create.
She will proudly talk about her beautiful family. She realized, early on, their family motto of: Family Comes First; would be a foundation for all things to come.
Jen can be found at/on:
Twitter
Facebook
WordPress Page
Sisters of Power
Her Marketing Page
Her online market
Her Publishing Company –

She can also be reached at myraysoflight@hotmail.com

A Queston of Hope

A Question of Hope

You are out in the scorching sun, for hours. There seems to be no relief in sight; the only comfort is found as sweat trickles down your brow. Not sure of how long you can actually hang on; a thought occurs to you. What if this is my last moment? You are unsure as to how much strength or energy you can muster; worse than that…do you want to go on?

Suddenly you feel it; a cool breeze flowing across your sun weathered skin. You take a deep breath; your soul feels replenished. Although the cool air lasted only a moment; its effects are long lasting. Your strength returns; your step has more bounce in it. How could a single brief blowing, of cool crisp air, change so much? Simply put; you now have hope of greater things. You were intended to survive this thing; and the cool air was our Creator’s way of showing you.

What is hope? Hope is simply the knowledge that better things are ahead. The possibility of brighter days is in store for you. The mere thought that things MAY get better; is enough to keep you going. Why is this important?

This thought is important, because it gives us reason to keep going on. The only task we ever fail at; is the task we fail to complete. Hope is a beautiful gift. We can give it freely, openly and lovingly. Hope is the gift that I am giving you today.

I am not saying that your life may turn out exactly the way you may want it to; but I am saying that the possibilities of your life are endless. There may have been times in your life where you have felt like the world is against you; I can assure you that is not so. Sometimes you just need a reminder that you need to pick yourself up and move forward.

I have known hardship and pain; I have known grief and had health that was failing. My thoughts and remarks are not empty. But through all of my life challenges; I have one constant… this is temporary. Everything on this realm of life is not supposed to last forever. We get to decide to make our lives what we want it to be. We can choose to live a life of love and kindness or we can choose anger and self-pity. Along my journey, I came across a name, Ward Foley.

Mr. Foley is an amazing exhibit of hope and possibility. His nickname is “scarman”; as his body is riddled with scars. Where is the beauty in this? I gladly will share with you; Mr. Foley shines his light on people who live with diseases and illnesses. He has a Face Book page and on it he praises the wonderful people that he reaches out to. He does not speak on; or dwell upon their diseases or illnesses. He simply speaks on how wonderful they are. This wonderful person, who has his own “cross to bear”; smiles and smiles some more; he offers hope through a simple smile. I hope that you all get to visit his website http://www.wardfoley.com . He is a true angel.

Give hope to one another; offer a smile, at the very least. Hope gives us strength.

The possibility of what we could be; far outshines the lesser of what we actually are. We can do more and be more than we could ever imagine. We can put an end to violence; we can create venues where people can help one another. We can start reaching out to our fellow man; regardless of race, creed or religion. We can remember where we came from; before man created so many barriers.

We can love with a purpose; and let that purpose be…so others can receive that love.

Hope is an urgent calling to us all. Hope gives our hearts wings. With hope we can end the cycle of violence; child abuse, domestic violence, rape, incest and battered women and children. With hope we can defy the statistics that say 1 in 3 women will be molested before she is 16 years old. Hope can change the fact that every 15 seconds a woman is murdered by someone who claims to love her. Hope can rise up to the top; it can give love the chance it needs to mend our broken hearts.

I want to give you hope today; and once you peel away those layers, you will find it filled with divine love. I do not live a fairy tale life; I have known travesties. I have felt pain so deep that I was certain I would never heal from it. The truth is, some pain never really goes away; but we get to choose to make it something better. We get to take that pain and make it a spring board for someone else’s pain. We can be the lift up that someone else needs.

While we are doing this we should remember; how we had wished that someone would have tried to make it better for us. Even if all we have to offer is a simple smile; it is something more than doing nothing.

Love every day; give love, be love, and you will be rewarded with hope. Hope is the heartbeat of a soul; it is up to us to keep it going.

We can spend our lives feeling sorry for ourselves; or like “Scarman” Ward Foley; we can give back. We can let go of our frustrations and watch them evolve into hope and possibility, for others. Don’t ever lose sight of the fact; that each day is a gift and each breath is a blessing. Give thanks for the time we have here on earth; touch as many hearts as you can.

In closing, I would add only this; you are my blessing. You help mold and evolve me into whatever I am supposed to be. You help guide me toward the light of our Creator; I am forever grateful. Never give up hope; it will guide you along your path and make you all the richer for it.

I wish you love and peace along your path.

-L.M. Young

If Not Now

If Not Now

 

Someone I love once told me; we all want to try and get a different outcome from the same problem. Realistically we understand that using the same solution over and over again will not bring about a different outcome.

So why don’t we do something different I asked; and she said because we are afraid of change. Even though she and I were talking about something more personal, in content, that statement is true of all situations.

I believe, in my heart, that we are all good people. Why then, do we sit back and watch the travesties in our world occur and not step in? Why do we sit back and hear the literal cries and screams of our next door neighbors, fall on deaf ears? We may not know exactly know what is going on in that house, but wouldn’t it be better to be wrong than to be silent…and wake up to a news report about a domestic violence situation that became deadly? Wouldn’t you rather someone care enough about your children or grandchildren, that they would risk being wrong?

I understand, we don’t want to get involved. The fear of confrontation can be chaotic, at times. The first step can be the loneliest. The first step of any endeavor can be frightening; it could be poorly received, or unwelcome. But wouldn’t it be better to take that risk, as opposed to sitting in silence when someone could be being beaten…right next door?

We have children in this country who are viciously and maliciously abused…everyday. These children are not savagely beaten by strangers; a recent study shows that 79.4% of the abused children in our country are abused and often killed by their parents.

Now I ask again; why shouldn’t we make a change? If we are worried and concerned about how we will be received by people if we say something…what happens to those innocent children?

I watched a show on television one day; the show simulated an actress playing a “babysitter”, and she was verbally abusive to a child about 6 or 7 years old. The purpose of this exercise was to see how people would react to this behavior, in social situations. I must say I was rather shocked, as grown men, even though disturbed by the “babysitter’s” behavior…said absolutely nothing to her. When asked later about why they said nothing; they simply said they kept waiting for someone else to speak up and when no one did, they decided not to say anything either.

This was a sad representation of what we have become. Understandably, we don’t want to get involved…but if not us…then who? If we do not speak up on behalf of the child obviously being spoken abusively too, or being battered and neglected…who will?

I know this probably seems like I am laying a lot on you…and truthfully I am. But I am saying this not only to make you think, but to show you that your heart is speaking to you…we must start listening.

We are losing our children to the hands of haste and hate. Change can be frightening, because it is new; but that does not mean that it is bad. Everything had to begin somewhere; someone had to take that first step. We can not continue to crawl through life as if we are going to get anywhere, except across the living room floor.

This is not the life that we are supposed to be living…I promise you. God is watching us…it is all a great test. Every decision that you make today, tonight and tomorrow; is being reviewed. Our humanity is being tested, every time we encounter people.

How would you want the world to treat you or someone that you love? Would you rather it walked passed hurriedly; or perhaps you would rather it walked slow enough to stop and ask the important questions? Are you okay? Is there someone you would like me to call? Humanity is easy…we are making it too hard.

Love one another…shine God’s light…that is our true purpose.

If you do not make the change that you want to see in this world…than who will? If not now…when?

A Polished Rock

A Polished Rock

What sadness it brings to our lives

That we must bring into the light

When guardians of the children

Are dimming a life so bright

An unexplained bruise today

Before it was her eye

Protecting the evil in their home

That ignorance can’t deny

How can the protectors of these lambs

Become the evil that we rue

Who will protect the children

What on earth shall we do?

Children without water

Kids with nothing to eat

Girls being molested

Boys being beat

Scars so deep that when

The skin has done its best to heal

It has devastated those sweet hearts

They’ve forgotten how to feel

Who will step to the plate

Speak against the foulest life

When the sharpness of a tongue

Cuts deeper than a knife

For when silent cries for help

Fall upon deafened ears

Little lives are destroyed

It happens too much here

Children are God’s gift to us

To love and to protect

Why is keeping children safe

Too much for us to expect

Watch over God’s biggest blessing

With everything you’ve got

Or our empty apologies will be made

To a name on a polished rock

~~ We MUST  put an end to child abuse~~

In an effort to do our part we are donating a portion of the proceeds of our book “The Light of Our Path” to the Atlanta Children’s Shelter, Inc.

I Thank You

Though it may not have been your intention
May not have been your goal
You helped create in me
More strength than you’ll ever know

It may seem odd that I thank you
For it was my body that you frayed
But it helped my soul survive
I finally found my way

For if I had not survived your anger
Outlived your violent rage
I would have never known
The love I’ve found today

I found the love of me
I am surrounded by love of self
No longer setting myself aside
Putting my needs on a shelf

You helped me realize
What I did not need
I never had your love
Your heart was filled with greed

You had to control me
Shadow me from beings more bright
While my focus was dimmed
My heart has found the light

Yes, I have found my way
My true ordained path
Higher elevation
And my soul is able to get past

I’ve gotten past the scars
Meant by your angry blows
Rising above the fear of
Bruises and broken bones

Now I’m all about thanks
But don’t get that wrong
It really isn’t because of you
That I’m singing a different song

But the fact that is here
And will always be
I…love God
And guess what…He loves me

He loves me no matter what
You ever tried to take with force
He loves me…for me
And that keeps me on my course

While you may have thought
You were breaking me down
It is when you are at your lowest
That you start looking around

Looking around at the gift of life
At all our Creator has done
And while you think I was defeated
That you had really won

It was at my lowest when
My spirit was lifted up
While you had the smug look
You thought you had won

But defeat was never possible
I’m loved higher than you have been
You may think I lost
But with God…I always win

Now I can reach others
My true and destined path
And you are a faint memory
A grim and ugly past

So I found my strength
More than my life ever knew
For your anger pointed me to God
So today…I thank you

** I hope you will all join me at d’verse poets pub every Tuesday at 3pm est for open link night**

Also…domestic violence is not what any woman would choose …if you know someone who is being abused…reach out…step up