Category Archives: women

When Is Rape Okay

When Is Rape Okay

When Is Rape Okay

 

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook. I went to the author’s website and found (just for clarification); that when these high school students were asked to answer the questions, it was on a rating scale 0-5. Zero equaled not agreeing at all, therefore symbolic of “NO”. Any rating over zero, would be counted as a “yes”. I just wanted that to be clear before I wrote this, although I don’t think that the number on the scale that each child chose, above zero matters. Allow me just this courtesy…RAPE IS WRONG.

 

This post had me thinking, past the lump I felt in my throat. I was disappointed in the fact that these young males felt this way; for any man to think it would ever be okay to force sex upon another.  What I found deeply disturbing was that any female would think this behavior was acceptable; why would we think that any situation would make this horrible and vile act appropriate?

 

Beyond talking to our children about the dangers of strangers; what do we teach them? Do we teach our sons that it is NEVER okay to force anyone to have sex? Or do we think that the logic is implied? At this point, we can effectively come to the conclusion that it is not. Where are our daughters getting their education from? Why would anyone of our young women think that she has no say over her body? Where is the self-respect and honor? Where would our sons develop the mentality that they EVER have the right to force sex on another person?

 

This posting had my heart feeling heavy. If I learned nothing from the rape of the Steubenville, Ohio teen; I learned that far too many people think that when a woman is drunk or high…that consent is implied, even if she is unable to say no.

 

To the young men and women who answered “yes”; by responding that it was okay for a man to force a woman to have sex if:

1. He spends a lot of money on her

2. He is so turned on he doesn’t think he can stop

3. She is drunk or stoned

4. She has had sex with others

5. They have dated for a long time

6. She wanted to, but then changed her mind

 

Allow me to share something with you, rape cannot be changed. Rape is not one moment on a random day/night; rape lasts your entire life. You never forget the feeling of degradation. You never forget the questions that your mind poses, that will never have an answer. Rape is far reaching…no matter what anyone says.

 

Anytime someone tells you that rape isn’t THAT bad…they are lying. It destroys lives and can permanently destroy the hearts and souls of men and women.

 

As parents, it is our responsibility to arm our children with the knowledge of love. Respect must be taught…through observation. Our children are watching what we say, do and respond to; our speech must be kind and loving. Keep in mind, we teach our children callousness.

 

As for these young women, who also participated in this “poll”?

Love yourselves. No one has the right to force sex on you. Respect your body and your decisions; do what is right for you. You do not owe anyone anything; your body is sacred.

 

We need to change the rules, so we can change our frame of mind. If she/he does not say YES…the answer is no. If she/he says yes, then changes his/her mind…the answer is no. Paying for a meal, present or any other such thing…does NOT purchase him/her sexually. If you are so turned on that you don’t think you can stop…don’t even start. NO matter how long you have known him and no matter what your relationship is…it is always your decision to make.

 

We must do better. We are assisting in the demise of these young souls, by sitting in silence. We must take a pro-active role in the lives of these young people, who are our future. Rape is not a phase that someone goes through…it is a felony.

 

Remember my friends, rape is a crime that destroys. Talk to your sons and daughters; do not make excuses, like those made for the rapists in the Jane Doe case in Ohio. Stop placing the victim on trial, when we do this…we are embracing the sexual predator.

 

While no one wants to think their child is a predator, when we sweep such behavior under the rug…we are breeding it.

 

Love one another…and please…please stop the insanity.

 

 

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The Problem Is…

The Problem Is…

 

I tend to write poetry; I think people find it easier to read and it gets read more often. There are times, however; when something much deeper must be said and therefore I lay my rhyme aside.

Yesterday I read a very brief statement; where someone was talking about a man who stepped in and aided a woman who was being pushed around. The man, who stepped in, got beat up pretty badly. In the statement the man who got beat up was criticized for stepping up; but he wasn’t criticized half as harshly as the woman who was getting beat on.

The claim was made that women have the benefit of lying about domestic violence; and they don’t leave when they should. The writer went on and on with accusations about how if a situation was “THAT BAD”, she would have left.  This person’s rambling’s deeply disturbed me; so here I am I now…with my rebuttal.

Have you ever been punched in the face? Has anyone ever grabbed you by your throat so hard that it cut off your oxygen supply and you passed out? Has anyone ever grabbed your hair so hard that they pulled it out by the handfuls and your scalp is left to bleed? Has someone ever made you have sex with them? Have you cried the whole time it was happening? Has a Doctor asked you about the vaginal scarring? Have you ever been afraid of telling someone you love about you getting beat up; because it may put them in danger, too? Has someone ever followed you…everywhere you go? Has he kidnapped your child? Has he attacked you in a court room? This is what is referred to as “domestic violence”.

Personally, I do not agree with that term. Domestic indicates tame; for example, a cat versus a lion; is domestic. A dog versus a wolf; is domestic. I suppose they say Domestic, because they live in our homes…but I assure you when you are getting assaulted over 89 times in 90 days…it is more comparable to the war in Afghanistan.

So let’s address the careless words I mentioned earlier; why would she stay?

The bigger question is this; do you think her abuser would let her leave, so easily? Let us not forget…its control…not love. If she leaves, she may go to the police; he may get arrested. Or worse, she may move on with her life. Most abuse victims have no exit strategies; and it isn’t easy to just walk away.

While I know that staying isn’t what she may want; I know it can be a way of being stuck. It is important to create an exit strategy. Reach out to someone that you trust…that he does not know.

While the writer of the article, I mentioned before, showed no understanding or compassion for your situation…I know what your life is like. But I also know that you must find the strength to walk away from it. Statistics show that the longer you are in that situation; the less likely you are to survive it; or the more likely your children are to be conditioned to seek a relationship similar to it.

Please get help…and if you do not know where to get help…reach out to someone anyone…and ask them to find help for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

As for my reason for writing this….I will gladly avert my attention back to you.

Do women lie about abuse? I would think women  are as capable of lying about abuse; as men are capable of lying about working late; or that woman that they claim is like a “sister” to them. As human beings, we are all capable of lying; but it is a far larger sin to under react when someone reaches out for our help; just to have us swat their hands away…than to come to the rescue…only to find a cat sitting on a tree limb. In any scenario, when we start choosing what is worthy of our time…we have failed humanity.

To touch on another point that you made…I mentioned that your point of view was part of the problem; and you stated that her not leaving was the problem. I find that ironic. I find it insulting, yet consistent with everything else you said…the problem…sir; is that SHE EVER GOT HIT TO BEGIN WITH.

In closing, my friends; I have only this to offer you, man was never supposed to be the object women needed protection from. Men were, from the beginning of time, supposed to protect their women. At the beginning of this I told you that a man stepped up and defended a woman; being pushed around…this man gave me hope. He showed me that even at risk to himself…he did the right thing. A real man…defends a woman…everyone else…makes excuses. Which would you want for your daughter?

Meet Danita Rountree Green

Meet Danita Rountree Green

Danita Rountree Green

Danita Rountree Green
Author s Educator s Entrepreneur
“Life shrinks and expands in proportion to our courage.” – Anais Nin
Danita Rountree Green (R. Satiafa) is a writer and researcher who works in the fields of African American Folklore and Women’s Studies. She is a graduate of the University of Virginia and a native of Richmond. Her previous titles include BROOM JUMPING: A CELEBRATION OF LOVE (1992) which helped to create the cultural wedding industry boom of the 90’s and GRANDMOTHER’S GIFT OF MEMORIES (1997) a Keepsake Journal for African American Women, a classic genealogical memoir. LOVE LOCKED DOWN (2009) is her first docu-novel that deals with the punitive effects of incarceration on society and was an Amazon Books Top 10 pick for 2011.
For almost two decades, Ms Green has been conducting workshops on legacy building, improving family relationships and the importance of establishing restorative traditions in our communities. She has shared the stage with noted writer Haki Matabuti, toured with Iyanla Vanzant (African American Women on Tour), and Levar Burton (Broadway Books author’s tour). Her work has appeared in countless internet publications as well as Style Weekly, Essence Magazine, USA TODAY and The Wall Street Journal. Currently, Ms Green serves as the Creative Writing Facilitator for the Mayor’s Youth Academy of Richmond. She is dedicated to teaching others to recognize the power of their words, and the blessings that come with re-languaging and restor(y)ing their lives. While currently pursuing her professional degree in Transformative Leadership and Social Change, she remains founder and CEO of TBL PUBLICATIONS and is affectionately known nationwide as The BroomLady.
“Words are powerful; they acknowledge and affirm who we are. It’s my goal as a wordsmith to give wings to the visions of others through the Real Women Empowerment Project so that they may fly.” DRG

More information about Danita:
Youtube 1-
Youtube 2-
Youtube 3-

Meet Asia D. Smith

Meet…ASIA D. SMITH

Asia D. Smith

Asia D. Smith – Chief Executive Officer/ Founder
brings a unique combination of sharp business acumen
and strong commitment to restoring and empowering
victims and survivors of domestic violence, abuse, and
sexual assault to Purple R.E.I.G.N. Social Services.
Known for delivering the highest levels of excellence,
Purple R.E.I.G.N. is a 501(c)3 non-profit advocacy
agency created by OVERCOMERS dedicated to:
empowerment, prevention, intervention, education,
and eradicating the vicious cycles of domestic violence
and sexual assault.
As an award recipient from the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women / WOCTF, State of
NJ Senate Commendation by Senator Sandra Bolden Cunningham, and Fellow of the National
Resource Center on Domestic Violence /WOCN Leadership Academy, Asia demonstrates
bold and innovative leadership by laying the foundation to set a national, unprecedented
standard of care for those that suffer the daily oppression of abuse, while simultaneously
challenging the status quo and bridging the socio-economic gap in historically underserved
communities. With a keen interest in violence alleviation and the devotion to improve the
quality of life of others, Asia is charged with overseeing the agency’s full range of business
development activities, capital access initiatives, grants, program administration, and
coordinating numerous community action groups / outreach.
With her commitment to the ongoing initiatives of Purple R.E.I.G.N., Asia has established
strategic partnerships and crafted key alliances with all levels of government, corporate and
civic organizations, correctional institutions, faith-based organizations, institutions of higher
learning, parent education networks, non-profit organizations, community based initiatives,
service providers, and much more.
Additionally, Asia has appeared on national media outlets, is a syndicated columnist, an awardwinning
professional, domestic violence and sexual assault counselor, anger management
facilitator, motivational speaker, author, curriculum/innovative domestic violence technology
programs developer, and offers high quality training, and consulting to a host of agencies,
organizations, advocacy groups, municipal personnel, etc.
Asia is an affiliate of a number of organizations that include: Women of Color Task Force –
New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women; Essex County Domestic Violence Working Group;
and The Integrated Justice Alliance. Furthermore, Asia has amassed nearly 25 years of
combined experience in community service, prison outreach, and as the former Domestic
Violence Response Team Coordinator for the County of Essex.
With numerous awards that include: The Richard D. Pompelio, Esq. Award of Leadership; New Jersey
Coalition of Battered Women/WOCTF: Community Spirit Award; Institute For Entrepreneurial
Leadership (IFEL) 2010 Award Recipient; 2010 – 2011 “Professional Woman of the Year” – NAPW;
Speaker/ Panelist -2009 NJ State NAACP Convention; Adjunct Lecturer: Essex County College,
Rutgers University, Columbia University; featured in various publications, national radio shows,
television appearances, and a highly sought after speaker, Asia’s accolades and achievements are
secondary to the education and experience she received from her success as an OVERCOMER of
domestic violence. She attains her objectives and “Turns Tragedy to Triumph” by using her voice to
Restore, Empower, and save the lives of millions with Integrity, Grace, and Nobility.
*In honor of the enormous commitments and contributions to the lives of others, Purple R.E.I.G.N. has been awarded a multi-passenger
van to transport victims and survivors to safety, and a home in Essex County, NJ, which will open as the first of many safe havens
worldwide.

You can find Asia here:
YouTube
Facebook

Meet Jen Williams

Meet Jen Williams

I hv Lupus

Jen Williams is another one of the threads at the Real Women Empowerment Project. Immediately, after reading our other introductions; you will see a difference. Jen lives a life of anonymity; it has become a natural part of her life. This Sister has overcome great obstacles in her life; from Cancer and Lupus to Severe Domestic Violence and the unexpected loss of her sister.
When asked how she handles it, she will tell you; we must find triumph in all things…even tragedy.
Jen is a writer and poet…and uses these venues to remind us all…that we are loved from a higher power. She is deeply spiritual; and when you read her writing; it is something you feel right away.
She is the Founder of My Rays of Light Publishing’ an Indie Publishing/Editing company; which focuses on trying to get writers published for far less than most publishers.
She also is the CEO of My Rays Marketing; where she helps to promote businesses and causes; using all social media platforms.
Jen spends a lot of her time shining light on those issues that we experience or hear about, on a daily basis. She has written about child abuse, rape, homelessness, Cancer and Lupus. Her personal war against Domestic Violence…has been a long one. She will openly tell you…the scars of Domestic Violence leave scars that never completely heal.
She uses the platforms of Domestic Violence and Lupus awareness as weapons against stereotypical ideas of these serious issues.
Jen has been working with the Real Woman Empowerment Project since 2012; and feels a strong connection to all of the fabulous women involved.

She writes on 2(two) blogs on WordPress; and her writing can be followed there, as well as, Facebook, Twitter, and the 3 websites that she has worked to create.
She will proudly talk about her beautiful family. She realized, early on, their family motto of: Family Comes First; would be a foundation for all things to come.
Jen can be found at/on:
Twitter
Facebook
WordPress Page
Sisters of Power
Her Marketing Page
Her online market
Her Publishing Company –

She can also be reached at myraysoflight@hotmail.com