The Problem Is…

The Problem Is…


I tend to write poetry; I think people find it easier to read and it gets read more often. There are times, however; when something much deeper must be said and therefore I lay my rhyme aside.

Yesterday I read a very brief statement; where someone was talking about a man who stepped in and aided a woman who was being pushed around. The man, who stepped in, got beat up pretty badly. In the statement the man who got beat up was criticized for stepping up; but he wasn’t criticized half as harshly as the woman who was getting beat on.

The claim was made that women have the benefit of lying about domestic violence; and they don’t leave when they should. The writer went on and on with accusations about how if a situation was “THAT BAD”, she would have left.  This person’s rambling’s deeply disturbed me; so here I am I now…with my rebuttal.

Have you ever been punched in the face? Has anyone ever grabbed you by your throat so hard that it cut off your oxygen supply and you passed out? Has anyone ever grabbed your hair so hard that they pulled it out by the handfuls and your scalp is left to bleed? Has someone ever made you have sex with them? Have you cried the whole time it was happening? Has a Doctor asked you about the vaginal scarring? Have you ever been afraid of telling someone you love about you getting beat up; because it may put them in danger, too? Has someone ever followed you…everywhere you go? Has he kidnapped your child? Has he attacked you in a court room? This is what is referred to as “domestic violence”.

Personally, I do not agree with that term. Domestic indicates tame; for example, a cat versus a lion; is domestic. A dog versus a wolf; is domestic. I suppose they say Domestic, because they live in our homes…but I assure you when you are getting assaulted over 89 times in 90 days…it is more comparable to the war in Afghanistan.

So let’s address the careless words I mentioned earlier; why would she stay?

The bigger question is this; do you think her abuser would let her leave, so easily? Let us not forget…its control…not love. If she leaves, she may go to the police; he may get arrested. Or worse, she may move on with her life. Most abuse victims have no exit strategies; and it isn’t easy to just walk away.

While I know that staying isn’t what she may want; I know it can be a way of being stuck. It is important to create an exit strategy. Reach out to someone that you trust…that he does not know.

While the writer of the article, I mentioned before, showed no understanding or compassion for your situation…I know what your life is like. But I also know that you must find the strength to walk away from it. Statistics show that the longer you are in that situation; the less likely you are to survive it; or the more likely your children are to be conditioned to seek a relationship similar to it.

Please get help…and if you do not know where to get help…reach out to someone anyone…and ask them to find help for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

As for my reason for writing this….I will gladly avert my attention back to you.

Do women lie about abuse? I would think women  are as capable of lying about abuse; as men are capable of lying about working late; or that woman that they claim is like a “sister” to them. As human beings, we are all capable of lying; but it is a far larger sin to under react when someone reaches out for our help; just to have us swat their hands away…than to come to the rescue…only to find a cat sitting on a tree limb. In any scenario, when we start choosing what is worthy of our time…we have failed humanity.

To touch on another point that you made…I mentioned that your point of view was part of the problem; and you stated that her not leaving was the problem. I find that ironic. I find it insulting, yet consistent with everything else you said…the problem…sir; is that SHE EVER GOT HIT TO BEGIN WITH.

In closing, my friends; I have only this to offer you, man was never supposed to be the object women needed protection from. Men were, from the beginning of time, supposed to protect their women. At the beginning of this I told you that a man stepped up and defended a woman; being pushed around…this man gave me hope. He showed me that even at risk to himself…he did the right thing. A real man…defends a woman…everyone else…makes excuses. Which would you want for your daughter?


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